It Just Cracks Me Up!

I love chibi! It always cracks me up and this one has been cracking me up for some time. It's not much but I just love it.

Love Smiles

I gushed. I curled my toes with giddiness. I felt my blood rush up to my cheeks. I squealed. My eyes twinkled. First and last love. That is the power of love. No, I am not in love but I am a big believer of love. I love love.

My little cousin is in love and she is glowing. As I listened to her bashful narration of her first love story, everything seems so pure and enchanting. Her guy seems so perfect and they seem so perfect for each other. The innocence. The trust. The strength. The honesty. The promise. It’s a magical time and my heart hugged itself and let out a huge OMG-So-Cute-OMG sigh. I smiled for them and for all the other first loves around the world.

Then yesterday my friend told me that she was engaged. I smiled but then my smile quickly turned into a huge excited laugh and scream. We even did little mini jumps while hugging each other. I Oohed, Aahed and OMGed when she told me how her fiancé had been planning to ask her for the last one year; when she showed me the heirloom ring that sat so prettily on her fingers; when she told me how weird and nervous he was before asking her. My heart at that moment was doing crazy Olympic-gold worthy gymnastic moves. And I also smiled for them and for all the veteran loves.

Vague and Stupid and Illogical

God. He may seem irrelevant and out of place in the world that we live today. With new-age gurus, best-selling self-help books, over-medicated therapy and too many accommodating world-views. With magazines and VH1 images that control our lives and wants and ambitions. With Hollywood bodies and sex lives that we are fascinated and compare with. God seems to be lost in all. He seems old-fashioned. A legend. A myth. Or even a conspiracy theory. And for some he is non-existent. But for me, God exists. He is a living God and I totally believe in him. Does that make me old-fashioned? Weird? Brainwashed? Naïve? Fanatical? It is an uncomfortable subject. Religion has always been a sensitive and war-faring subject. But no matter what people say about me or label me as, I cannot deny that I need God and that I totally and irrevocably believe in him. At this point I am a little scared and uncomfortable because there are lots of things that I don’t have answers to. Never-ending arguments about God and his ‘mysterious’ ways. Why does He let people die? Why does He let good people get hurt? Where was He when I was in agony? What does He want from me? How can He let innocent children suffer at the hands of pedophiles? How can He justify himself when it is because of religion that the world is in such a fucking mess? If He is the Almighty One then why doesn’t He stop all this shit? Where is the proof that He really does exist? I don’t know and I don’t have any concrete answers or proofs. But that still does not discourage me from trusting and trying to be faithful to Him. I have a long way to go and there is going to be a lot of backlash and questions, but I will never regret this decision. All this may sound vague and stupid and illogical. But this is my starting point. And like everyone else’s starting point, it is still yet to be defined.

Live

You punish yourself

Not letting go

Of your mistakes, anger, regrets and what-ifs

You think happiness is not a possibility for you

You used to curse god

Now you don’t believe in one

You think life is unfair

You’ve forgotten how to count your blessings

And spend way too much time thinking of your misfortunes

You think you are damaged

Too damaged to be repaired

Too damaged to hope

You’ve given up on yourself

After all the pain caused to you and by you

You feel you don’t deserve to live

That your sins are too many

Too burdensome and condemning

You don’t want to continue living like this

But I ask you

To live

Because sins can only be atoned while you are alive

So please stay alive

And The Hunter Became The Hunted

I had one month and within that time period anything could happen. And I was ready for it. Or so I thought, given the fact that this would be my fifth one in four years. But house hunting is a toughie even for a veteran like me. I still get shocked, frustrated and amused at life’s idiosyncrasies and prejudices.

Are You Veg Ya Non-Veg: Yes, I got rejected because I am meat eater. I understand and no offence to vegetarians, but I found this one very amusing.

Aisa Log Ko Nahin Chahiye: This is something I get all the time and still have a hard time getting used to it. Getting rejected because I am a ‘chinky’ (I hate this word) is something that I have come to tolerate. Initially it used to bother and hurt me a lot. But now I just shrug my shoulders and say thank-you to landlords if they have not shut the door on my face by now. I don’t blame them but it still gets to me on my worst days.

Annoying Dealers: After getting the news that our house would be vacated by the end of the month, the property dealers viciously pounced on us. I understand that they need to scout out for new properties and so on, but what I hate is their crude mannerisms. I hate the way they just come unannounced to the house and bang rudely on the door. Even at 8:00 in the morning! Now that is just plain harassment! Or the way they demand that you give them your landlord’s details. Or their audacity to think that they have the right to look around the house anytime they want even after 9 pm. I used to get intimidated before but now I firmly tell them off with my half-ass Hindi. Hahah! At least I get to practice my much-improved Hindi.

Weird Landlords: I met this landlord who had an extra key to the house because he wanted to be able to come in the house anytime he wanted and check on us. He said that sometimes he might just come in at night - around 11 pm - to see that we are not up to anything suspicious. As if! I found him highly suspicious and creepy. Brrrr! And there was another landlord who had this rule that no one could get out or in the house after 9 pm because he would lock the main gate. I told him that my work hours were irregular and that there have been, and will be, times when I would come home after 12 am. And his reply was that decent girls should not be out that late. Hmmmm…I obviously will not be taking this house. Thank you very much.

Lots of Rules: No boys. No relatives. No overnight stays. No visitors after 7:30 pm. Parental visits only allowed after taking permission from the landlord. I found some of these rules very strange and strict. Or it could just be me but I highly doubt it.

But there were also some really nice people and houses. So, the world is still in balance. Thank god for that!

These Things Only Happen To Me

Or so it seems because I have not heard of anyone else going through what I have. I am not a klutz but I have my moments. And when I do have them, they are quite epic ones. Here are just a few of those classic moments.

Incident Number 1: I was sitting on a rickshaw and was heading back to my college hostel. As I was about the reach the hostel gate, a camera crew outside the gate (no idea why they were there) distracted the rickshaw guy’s attention from the road. So I told him, “Bhaiya, please pay attention to the road or else we might have an accident.”

Just then the rickshaw banged against a parked auto. The impact made both of us lurch forward and to prevent myself from falling down I grabbed on to the first thing I could grab. And it just had to be my luck that it was the rickshaw guy’s ass. Can you believe it?!?

And to make things worse, there was a group of autowalas who saw the whole thing. So, we were subjected to further embarrassment with the inevitable catcalls. This included cheap hindi songs, whistles, innuendos and laughter. So I quickly paid him, ran inside the gate and washed my hands umpteen times.

Incident Number 2: This happened to me a few years back when my dog was sick and didn’t have much of an appetite. So, in order to get him to eat more, I sat next to him, patted him and cooed sweet words. As he was eating slowly, he suddenly sneezed. But that is not all that he did. He also let out a fart. And, that too, right on my face. Yes, a dog farted in my face. The ewwwwwwwww-ness of it all! And let me tell you that a dog's fart is really deadly because the only thing I can remember about my dog is his fart. Seriously! I can't even remember his name. Just the fart.

Incident Number 3: This one happened very recently (one month ago - July 26th to be exact). I was inside the airport waiting in line to book a radio taxi. I finally got one and headed out. I could see a lot of people waiting outside. As soon as the airport’s automatic, sliding glass doors opened, a man stopped me. He asked me, “radio taxi?” and I said, “yes”. He took my trolley and proceeded to walk. But as I started to follow him I was yanked back. And to my horror, I realised that my hair had gotten trapped between the doors. So, in front of everyone I had to quickly and clumsily free my hair.

Hahahaha. Hahhahaha!

Appa

I saw him after a long time and suddenly he looked much older and frail. And when I hugged him, he also seemed smaller. That’s when it hit me that my dad has really aged. Till that moment my dad was this invincible being that could take on everything and everyone. But this time when I went home, I saw him for him – not as a superhero but the father he is to me.

He is still the same – stubborn, funny, very hardworking, intense, difficult, generous, honest, short-tempered, silly, intelligent and loving. But he gets tired faster. His ulcers give him pain. His feet need to be massaged because of diabetes. His blood pressure gives him these agonizing headaches that deprives him of his sleep.

But despite all that, he still has time to cook my favourite fish dish. He still has patience to listen to me. He still loves to make me laugh with his silly jokes. He never gets sick of narrating stories of me when I was a baby. He still gets worried if I come home after 6 pm. He still wishes that I would dress a bit more girly. And he still wakes up at 2 am to check that I am properly tucked into bed.

So on the last night as I tucked him to bed, he hugged me and told me not to go. He jokingly said that I should quit my job, come home, marry a guy from the nearby village and give him lots of grandchildren. We laughed. But it also made me realise that one day all this would just be a memory. That one day he won’t be there with me.

As my dad drifted off to sleep, he sleepily asked me to tell him a story. I hugged him tight and told him silly stories about my life away from him. He let out a sleepy laugh, kissed my forehead, told me that he was so happy that I was home and that I should come home more often. I told him that I would and stayed with him until his arms around me became limp and he started to snore.

Must Watch! Seriously!!!

Sour, a Japanese band, perfects the YouTube video viral. In a few days this video will be everywhere, so watch it now. I also put another very cool video of theirs. After all it is Japanese creativity!

Songs That I Will Kill

A fistful of mythical ghetto-wonderland soundscapes. High-pitched squeals, yearning falsetto choruses and dreamy synths. A sublime space-pop heaven, crystal-voiced goddess. These new sounds have been on repeat mode for me.

Bubblegum Love

There was this boy
There was this girl
And everyday he would give her strawberry bubblegum
For she loved its sweetness
And he loved how it sweetened her breath
With that their love grew
It started out small
But it became bigger with each breath
And they were very happy in their own little bubble
As it took them up, up and up
Till they could no longer see the ground
But after a while they became too heavy
Weighing down their buoyancy
Until it finally burst
And all that was left was a faint scent of strawberry in the air

Nosebleed

It’s official.
I can’t deny it any more.
And god knows how hard I have tried not to like him.
Yes, he is younger than me (ewwww).
He is such a pretty boy (double ewwww).
He is the leader of a boy band (yes, I know).
And, that too, a Korean one (I can see you rolling your eyes).
But he dances so F-I-N-E.
And this is where I stop listening to all my reasons.

*Looks at the picture and goes into a chibi-mode with a bloody nose*

In My Own Way

Just because I don’t love you the way you want me to
Doesn’t mean I don’t love you
I don’t make breakfast for you every morning
Or call you everyday
Or surprise you with flowers
I don’t always say things you want to hear
But sometimes tell you things you don’t want to know
I don’t always put a smile on your face
Or like the same movies as you do
Or laugh at your jokes
Or always pick up the phone
And it's not because I don't want to
Or can't do it
I do want to
But in my own way

I need to keep reminding myself to do this.
Especially with this person and that person.
Wish me luck.

Lovesick

A strange but nice quote from a Korean movie + my weird drawing. Hahaha!

I Love You Too

There is just so much I have to tell you.
A lot has happened and I am not sure where to start.
It has been so long since I have talked to you.
I have all sorts of stories to tell you.
Tales that have made me cringe, giggle, laugh, angry, happy, regret, reminiscence, sigh in relief, struggle…
And I know which ones will win your approval,
And on which ones we will have our differences.
But I know that you will listen to me and understand me.
And at the end of it, you won’t condemn me and love me less but more.
Much more than I deserve.
Much more than I can imagine.
More than I ever was and ever will be.

It's Good to Have Me Back!

I am feeling giddy again. Something that I had not felt in a long time. Actually something that I had suppressed for a long time. People who have known me for a long time are telling me that they are starting to see glimpses of the old Me come back to life. And they happy and rooting for me as I find myself again. I don’t regret my past. Sure, I did a lot of stupid, immature and genuinely naive things, but I have also learnt a lot from them. I know that I have my own issues and faults but I have come a long way and know how to deal with them. I have made peace with a lot of things and now I am really ready to live life for my own sake. Not for anyone else. But on my own terms and conditions. I won’t be held back because others can’t move on. I am moving forward and it is so liberating and euphoric. I am so excited about life. I can feel my form getting back into shape. I am laughing hard. I am meeting so many exciting people. I am getting back in touch with old forgotten friends. I am dancing again. I am accepting more invitations. I am just so much happier. That’s because I can be myself again.

Back To You

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes long
It could be a small sigh
Or a big laughter from the guts
It could be a word
or a just a photo
It could be a person
or an old, crumbled paper
It could be anything
And everything
Sometimes it's really fast
And sometimes it takes longer
But something will always bring me back to you

We are Spoiled Idiots

"We live in an amazing, amazing world and it is wasted on the crappiest generation of just spoiled idiots." This guy is hi-larious! Just listen to him and you'll agree to what he says.

Liquidators Preview

The Nagaheadhunters are back with another self-made film - Liquidators. And I personally can't wait to watch it. Enjoy the preview.

This is Sick

I can’t sing and I wish I could especially when I listen to some of my favourite songs. But more than singing, I wish I could beatbox. I have tried but I spit more than producing any sound - I sound like a goat with a really bad cold. So while I was looking for some beatboxing tutorials I came across this guy. And, man, is he good. His vocal percussions are impressive. Just listen to him use them. It seems like he has a speaker in his throat.

Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly

I have another new favourite. It’s Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly’s Moving Forward. If you have already heard of them then I must say that you have great taste in music. And if you have not heard of them then I must recommend them to you. I love the words (and that’s a big thing since I am not a lyrics person). There is no MV for this song but I found this fan-made one. I think the lyrics are a bit off so I put another set of lyrics below.




I'm wide, I'm wide awake at night
And my mind's preoccupied and the silence won't reside
Or resolve the feelings that exist because it's easy to dismiss
And it's harder to get hurt

And I wish that I was stronger than the people that you meet
And I wish that you were lost without me
And though the more I think about it the easier it seems
I'll be just fine so here's to moving forward

Were we made as corresponding shapes?
Our two pieces tassellate
Were we designed to fit as one?
And it is with patience that I wait
as these romantic notions take my dignity and tact

And I wish that I was stronger than the people that you meet
And I wish that you were lost without me
And though the more I think about it the easier it seems
I'll be just fine so here's to moving forward

And as the sun sets on this now
You'll be the one I thought about
And as the sun sets on this now
You'll be the one I thought about

And I wish that I was stronger than the people that you meet
And I wish that you were lost without me
And though the more I think about it the easier it seems
I'll be just fine so here's to moving forward

Eye Love

(I look cockeyed!)
My eyes are different and I mean different. My left eye has a fold and my right eye has no fold - it’s like a little slit on my full face. Yes, I am fully aware of cosmetic procedures and sticking thin strips of cello-tape over the eyelids to create the fold, but I choose not to make my face more symmetrical. Other than having a bit of a problem while putting eyeliner, my eyes are wonderful.

During college days, my eyes were a dead giveaway when I was sleep-deprived while studying for exams. That’s because my folded eye would become wider and the other eye would become narrower. It made me look funny and this would crack up my friends and I – a great stress buster.

They are also a conversation starter. If there is ever a situation where there is an uncomfortable silence hanging over us, all I need to day is, “Did you know that I have two different eyes? One has a fold and one doesn’t. Look”. And voila, people are suddenly scrutinizing them, talking about them and talking to each other.

Plus, they make people less conscious about their problem areas. They feel a bit more relieved knowing that their features are not so weird. It makes them more grateful that one of their legs are not shorter than the other or that at least they can lose weight whereas I have to live with this oddity. It’s amazing for self-esteem.

But what I love most about my eyes is that they are from my parents. My mom’s eyes have folds and my dad’s eyes are like my right eye – no folds. I wouldn’t change anything about my wonderful, odd eyes!

p.s. It’s totally ok to use my eyes as a conversation starter the next time you find yourself in a huge group in need of some talk.

Beyond J-pop and K-pop

After listening to the obvious and commercially marketed music of Korea and Japan (and getting tired of them), I kept youtubing and googling. And, boy, did I find some really good bands - Sleepy.ab (Japanese) , Peterpan Complex (Korean) and Nell (Korean). The former two totally have a Radiohead influence in their music and they do it well. My favourite is Nell, a South Korean indie band. I can't stop listening to 'Good Night'. Do listen to them and if you have any new music, please share them with me.

Haha Haha

Last month I was totally in love with U-Know of DBSK (a Korean boy band) after I saw him dance in Mirotic (it's one of their music videos). That's when my obsession with K-pop and J-pop started. So, I would google and youtube anything K-J-pop. I personally don't find bishounen hot other than in mangas (Natsume and Zero - I will save them for another day). They are too effeminate for me but U-known dances so F-I-N-E. So, that is when I came across this video. It has U-know (duh) and Mickey (DBSK) and I find it really kwi-yeo-un/kawaii!

p.s. U-know is the guy on the left.

It's Japanese

Heart Beirut

This is one of my favourite songs at the moment. Beirut is awesome.

Thank You

There are very few people, especially men, who have no ulterior motives but are honest, honourable incredible beings. And I have been very fortunate to have known such a person.

At first I didn’t understand him. His ways were strange. I don’t mean in a creepy way. In fact, he was one of the most charismatic people you would ever know. Everyone loved him. He was funny, thoughtful, confident, caring, intelligent, honest…He was the kind of guy who everyone thought was his or her best friend. He still is all of that.

But what I did not get was the way he treated women. And I will tell you why I found it strange. That’s because he did things that are so hard to find in men now days. The kind of things that men all over the world should be doing. He did things that we don’t ever think about. The kind of things that would humanize our differences rather estrange us.

The things he did for me unnerved me in the beginning. What I did not understand irritated me a lot. I could not accept his magnanimous gestures. I wasn’t used to a guy who was actually concerned about me. Don’t get me wrong. I have a great life filled with people who love and respect me but as a woman, having to fight for so many things in life, it wasn’t easy to let someone take control of certain things. He did the kind of things that even the most hard-core feminists would love to have a man do for her but would never admit to it.

(Just because we fight for equal rights and so on doesn’t mean we hate men. We just have a lot of fights to fight and along the way we have somehow become defensive. We don’t want to be vulnerable but we are. And that’s the hard part to accept. So, when a guy really respects you and cares for you, you can’t help but be suspicious to a certain degree.)

As time went by, what I thought were old-fashioned notions became truths. I saw them in his actions. But the sad part is that I did not really appreciate all this until much later. So, I want to thank him for everything he did for me. Thank you.

Danger Smiles

On This Week's Reject List

My week in a picture (notice the shitty, yellow dot of hope)

The one who is on top of this list would have to be...me. Nothing seems to be going right for me. At work, all my ideas are getting bombed. It's like the bombing of Nagasaki, except this time it's Naga-sucky (I can't believe that I just made that very lame joke but I am absolutely mindfucked at the moment so I can away with it). Then I never seem to get an auto. For some reason, the first fifteen autos that I manage to halt down never want to go where I need to go. The sixteenth auto-wala reeks of alcohol and the seventeenth auto-wala will overcharge me by 52% but by then I am too tired to argue. By now I am totally exhausted and you think that sleep would come to me easily but that too evades me. And plus there are some other things that are kinda too personal to put it out there. But then life is not always unfair because it gives everyone an unequal amount of shitty deals. That's the only thing that is democratic about life being unfair. So, this is for the person who will topple me from the top of this list: Don't lose hope because someone else is unknowingly waiting in line to go through this. It's NOT you. It's just life.

The Force Is With Them

They are called Naga Headhunters and they have made some cool Star Wars fan films. I really enjoyed watching them especially since none of the members have had any professional training or help in making any of their films. Plus you can see their passion in their detailed homemade costumes, script and acting. The force is with them.

I Need My Bra

I believe in equal rights and freedom of speech and so on. But I don’t think I need to burn my bra or be a Samantha Jones to prove myself. The debate is old and I think we just need to accept that we are different. Men and women are different. We are wired differently. We are on different emotional levels. We can’t fight million of years of evolution. I also agree that we are physically the weaker sex. And I don’t think that by saying this I am being apologetic or regressive. Of course, we can be faster, stronger, smarter than men but at the end of it all we are still different. The way we think, react, laugh, confront, love, eat, gain weight, nurture life, orgasm, fake it, endure, fight back, make decisions… We are just different and I love it. I love being a woman despite all the shit that we get and have gotten. Sure, we have a long way to go but let’s not lose our femininity – it is the most powerful and amazing gift.

Strange, Eerie Dream

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary… just joking (respect to Poe).

But I did have the strangest dream. I rarely have dreams and even if I do, I also rarely remember them. So, this dream is stuck in my head and it doesn’t help that it was creepy. I need to get it out of my head.

The dream was about this haunted tree that kills off all the children in the village except me. The reason for it being haunted was because of some ancestor's past life and cursed karma. Throughout the dream I keep running away from tree but it follows me through cross-pollination and psychic powers from beyond River Styx. It sounds like a really bad version of M. Night Shyamalan’s storylines. Anyway, it was just a dream and now it sounds really silly. Phew!

A Love Poem

My heart is rumbling really loudly.
I’m not feeling hungry for your love.
I’m still digesting my last one.

Recycled Love Songs

What used to be their love story in chords
Became ours
In tune and out of tune
It was ours
Our little inside joke
Our hints
Our secrets
Hidden dreams
Open declarations
It was ours to our forever
But the song came to an end
So, we pass it on
What was once ours
Now becomes yours
Until it must be passed on

Fluff, the Sleeping Dragon!

I see a dragon
A nice one
Not the scary ones
Like the Norwegian Ridgeback
Or the Hungarian Horntail
But a fluffy one
But you know what they say
“Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus”
So I will just let it sleep