Monday, August 31, 2009

And The Hunter Became The Hunted

I had one month and within that time period anything could happen. And I was ready for it. Or so I thought, given the fact that this would be my fifth one in four years. But house hunting is a toughie even for a veteran like me. I still get shocked, frustrated and amused at life’s idiosyncrasies and prejudices.

Are You Veg Ya Non-Veg: Yes, I got rejected because I am meat eater. I understand and no offence to vegetarians, but I found this one very amusing.

Aisa Log Ko Nahin Chahiye: This is something I get all the time and still have a hard time getting used to it. Getting rejected because I am a ‘chinky’ (I hate this word) is something that I have come to tolerate. Initially it used to bother and hurt me a lot. But now I just shrug my shoulders and say thank-you to landlords if they have not shut the door on my face by now. I don’t blame them but it still gets to me on my worst days.

Annoying Dealers: After getting the news that our house would be vacated by the end of the month, the property dealers viciously pounced on us. I understand that they need to scout out for new properties and so on, but what I hate is their crude mannerisms. I hate the way they just come unannounced to the house and bang rudely on the door. Even at 8:00 in the morning! Now that is just plain harassment! Or the way they demand that you give them your landlord’s details. Or their audacity to think that they have the right to look around the house anytime they want even after 9 pm. I used to get intimidated before but now I firmly tell them off with my half-ass Hindi. Hahah! At least I get to practice my much-improved Hindi.

Weird Landlords: I met this landlord who had an extra key to the house because he wanted to be able to come in the house anytime he wanted and check on us. He said that sometimes he might just come in at night - around 11 pm - to see that we are not up to anything suspicious. As if! I found him highly suspicious and creepy. Brrrr! And there was another landlord who had this rule that no one could get out or in the house after 9 pm because he would lock the main gate. I told him that my work hours were irregular and that there have been, and will be, times when I would come home after 12 am. And his reply was that decent girls should not be out that late. Hmmmm…I obviously will not be taking this house. Thank you very much.

Lots of Rules: No boys. No relatives. No overnight stays. No visitors after 7:30 pm. Parental visits only allowed after taking permission from the landlord. I found some of these rules very strange and strict. Or it could just be me but I highly doubt it.

But there were also some really nice people and houses. So, the world is still in balance. Thank god for that!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

These Things Only Happen To Me

Or so it seems because I have not heard of anyone else going through what I have. I am not a klutz but I have my moments. And when I do have them, they are quite epic ones. Here are just a few of those classic moments.

Incident Number 1: I was sitting on a rickshaw and was heading back to my college hostel. As I was about the reach the hostel gate, a camera crew outside the gate (no idea why they were there) distracted the rickshaw guy’s attention from the road. So I told him, “Bhaiya, please pay attention to the road or else we might have an accident.”

Just then the rickshaw banged against a parked auto. The impact made both of us lurch forward and to prevent myself from falling down I grabbed on to the first thing I could grab. And it just had to be my luck that it was the rickshaw guy’s ass. Can you believe it?!?

And to make things worse, there was a group of autowalas who saw the whole thing. So, we were subjected to further embarrassment with the inevitable catcalls. This included cheap hindi songs, whistles, innuendos and laughter. So I quickly paid him, ran inside the gate and washed my hands umpteen times.

Incident Number 2: This happened to me a few years back when my dog was sick and didn’t have much of an appetite. So, in order to get him to eat more, I sat next to him, patted him and cooed sweet words. As he was eating slowly, he suddenly sneezed. But that is not all that he did. He also let out a fart. And, that too, right on my face. Yes, a dog farted in my face. The ewwwwwwwww-ness of it all! And let me tell you that a dog's fart is really deadly because the only thing I can remember about my dog is his fart. Seriously! I can't even remember his name. Just the fart.

Incident Number 3: This one happened very recently (one month ago - July 26th to be exact). I was inside the airport waiting in line to book a radio taxi. I finally got one and headed out. I could see a lot of people waiting outside. As soon as the airport’s automatic, sliding glass doors opened, a man stopped me. He asked me, “radio taxi?” and I said, “yes”. He took my trolley and proceeded to walk. But as I started to follow him I was yanked back. And to my horror, I realised that my hair had gotten trapped between the doors. So, in front of everyone I had to quickly and clumsily free my hair.

Hahahaha. Hahhahaha!